Please, people. Send us no more Halloween photos. While it’s undeniable that I am the worst Hween party guest ever, having last successfully donned a costume in my early teens, when I went as Sherlock Holmes (interesting fact: dying my hair black renders me completely unrecognizable to everyone, including people who have known and loved me since birth), there is no end of sighing when viewing the fun missed (but nearly participated in–only a week separates us from America!). Friends, can we do this again in, say, two weeks?

Props to Krang and the War on Christmas for excellence in costumery.

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Back in high school, I tore my MCL and fractured my knee at a basketball practice, which left me braced and hobbled for an extended period of time. A good friend of mine came up with the excellent idea of printing out medical business cards that explained the injury, such that whenever anyone was like, whoa, what happened to you? I could just go for the breast pocket and continue limping to class. It occurs to me that I could use something along these lines at the moment. Last week, on the way to meet Lisa for lunch, I ran into a friend from the PhD program, who requested and deserved an explanation for my departure. A good five to ten minutes later, as I was finishing the short version, one of the department professors rolled up and the story began again. This left me terribly late and hustling up to a frowning Lisa and a lukewarm bowl of take away curry.

Friends, do not be insulted if, henceforth, Lisa and I simply say we were not happy here. Please do not feel that you need to confirm that our reasoning is sound. Please, let’s talk about the woeful state of the Redskins, the Republican Party, and the novel, instead. Deal?

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About four years ago, I moved from Arlington into D.C., and after discovering that I was paying more per month in parking tickets than in rent, I made the momentous decision to emancipate myself from the internal combustion engine and its gas-guzzling money-sucking ways. I haven’t owned a car since then (though Lisa did have one, which we used with some frequency, until she sold it before we moved to London), and it’s been a point of immense pride for me. My carbon footprint, she is small.

Now we return, and the truth is, we’re going to need one. Not for our daily commutes or for getting around the District, but for visiting the in-laws and stuff like that. So, we’re going to buy a car? In Raleigh. In a week. We’re going to buy a used Honda CR-V. We figure it has Honda reliability and gas mileage, but, unlike with the Civic, we won’t be roughly at eye level with the rims of the monster trucks on the highway beside us, and, my back being what it is, I’ll be able to get out of the car without resorting to the rather comical sideways roll onto all fours walking into a crouch and then finally standing position maneuver.

Also? We’re getting a dog. Most likely a cocker spaniel-poodle mix. We’re calling him Grover Cleveland Alexander. And maybe a cat? Comments on the advisability of getting both at once, or one or the other?