A long, long time ago, for a short while, I had HBO. It was then that I caught a few episodes of the first season of The Wire, and it was then that I thought, hey, this is a pretty fantastic show. People ought to be checking it out. I just wanted to note, now that everyone is bat crazy for the show, that there was a time when it was like, so, here’s the curve, and who’s that way out in front of it? Ryan. That’s who.

Now, of course, Lisa and I spend an evening hunched over my computer watching an entire season of The Office on YouTube and we’re all, man, those many months ago when people started raving about this show? Pretty spot on! It is in fact funny and worth the watching.*

In other words, I don’t pretend to trendiness in televisual viewing habits. But we likes what we likes, and last year what we liked was the two hours of clever banter and geeked out medical awesomeness that was House and Bones. That’s all we needed, and week after week, the Fox network delivered. Now, you may recall that we’re in a moving image deprived state over here, so after exhausting all our DVDs some weeks ago, we recently turned to iTunes for new material, and there we found (amid the depressingly paltry selection of movies and tv episodes–seriously Apple, you must do better) that shows from this season of Bones can be bought at a mere $1.99 a pop. Aaaand done.

Sadly, between last season and this one, Fox couldn’t leave well enough alone. Last year, it was all about the principal characters and the lab. Snappy writing, subtle personal interplay, forensic anthropology. This year:

1) Boreanaz suddenly has a wife? In the Britney Spears mold. And a kid? And half the show is about his problems at home?

2) Boreanaz is suddenly getting down with everyone, all the time. Last season, it was all about the quiet flirty tension between him and Dr. Brennan. This season, he’s constantly rolling out of bed in his briefs. Buh.

3) This line was uttered, “[David Boreanaz**] is worried that you don’t think he’s a good father. Because of his job as an FBI agent, and his past as a sniper.” Suddenly, dude was a sniper? How do you just slip that shit in, like it isn’t the most ham handed attempt to add lame backstory ever? It’s like an episode of 24 where someone says, but Jack, you’ll be able to beat the terrorists, because unbeknownst to them and the audience, you’re a MAGICIAN. I know this because, the talking dog we just met five minutes ago? He showed us your wand, dude. Secret’s out. Christ.

So, television? Thanks for nothing.

 

* I submit that Jim from The Office (US Version) is the most likable character in all of television. Discuss.

 

** I further submit that sometime in the not too distant past, movie hot bifurcated from tv hot. It used to be you turned on the television set and saw George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston. Now the exemplars of hottness are David Boreanaz and Dr. Dremo from that crime against television Grey’s Anatomy? Granted, this is good news for those of us who, like Borzvasdiqwe and Dreamy, have funny looking faces, pale skin, and subpar five o’clock shadows. But what gives? Do women no longer care what men actually look like? On the small screen, at least?