If it bleeds, it leads
- Posted by ryan on October 9th, 2007 filed in Miscellany
Manosphere? Hardly. Why, I remember when men would shave with tools, real tools, that doubled as farm implements or at least good kitchen cutlery. And when we wanted a bracing splash of aftershave, well, that’s what the tumbler of scotch was for. All right, so I don’t remember that, but I do remember when the two blade disposable you got in your freshman welcome pack was sufficient to hold things down until that study abroad trip junior year when you first tried growing a beard. Rust builds character, my friends.
Having taken a wife, I now accede to her demands vis-a-vis myself and hygiene, which include the use of an antique Mach 3, though I still occasionally practice staring my facial hair down until it cries uncle and marches in an orderly fashion down the shower drain. With the coming of fall, however, signaled by a drop in average temperature from 95 to 93 degrees, I have once more begun to grow the beard. So have fun being patsies for Big Razor, “men.” Until the spring thaw, my face will be just as god intended: neatly maintained by a Braun electric beard trimmer.
October 9th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Nice try Bellows. This attempt to fit in is cute but we’ve seen your complexion so we know you only shave about once a trimester.
And normally I shave by driving my whisker in with a hammer and biting them off on the inside. But my hammer’s broke so I have to use this terrible razor.
October 9th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Is that so? Well, perhaps you’d care to engage in a little beard growing contest, my blond friend. Whenever you get a little growth going I can get out the hedge clippers and trim mine back, so we’re starting from the same spot.
October 12th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
A beard-growing contest, say, immediately following Halloween and to be concluded in the spring. Please note that the mandom of my beard shall have by that time become so intense that merely standing in my presence should be enough to frighten the hairs off your faces—your testicles as well, had those not already ascended in fear of the rumor of my name.
October 12th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Ascended, like the prophet Elijah.